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 Post subject: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:06 am 
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Mad Monkey
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http://www.cracked.com/blog/whats-your- ... trategies/

I never really came up with one, but I like the guys ferry idea - that might be the safest bet.

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:39 am 
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Silverback
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'Till zombies realize they don't need oxygen to stay...undead. And walk on over to your island underwater.

dun. Dun. DUNNNNN.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:45 am 
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Mad Monkey
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Zanshin wrote:
'Till zombies realize they don't need oxygen to stay...undead. And walk on over to your island underwater.

dun. Dun. DUNNNNN.


They can do that? Shit..

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:11 am 
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Mad Monkey
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I have contigency plans for a great many things. Its part of my job. Maybe not specifically labeled for Zombies. But I think my Emergency Action Plan for dealing with a zombie apocalypse would include a lot of shit. These guys haven't thought this out very well. However many of them have certain elements that are important to recognize:

1) You can't do it alone. No way that you can provide 24/7 security with a wife that has limited weapons training and a 3 year old. Besides you also need to maintain shelter and gather food.

2) Not everyone can come with you. Pick the people you know can be of use to you in an emergency and coordinate your planning for fallback points/safehouses.

3) Don't wait until the zombies are running amok to start living off the land. Build yourself an indoor garden if you don't have a yard and start canning shit. Pick up extra canned food at the store when you go. Don't forget water. Make sure you rotate stock. If you live in a city, a 90 day supply of food is all you really want because your home isn't defendable anyway. You don't want to have more than you can load up in the pickup truck when heading for your safehouse. Begin cultivating the land at your safehouse so that it is ready for you when you get there. Get some chickens and goats.

4) Get your own pickup truck. Don't know how willing your buddy will be to loan you thiers when the zombies are running through the streets.

5) Get your own fucking guns and ammo. You can't rely on some other asshole to protect you and your family during your exodus.

6) Plan your escape routes and alternate routes. Make sure to do dry runs of your emergency plan.

Remember you can't do it alone. You may need to make friends with someone with land or get a group together to buy some land that isn't near major towns or highways. Try to find a community near land that is able to sustain themselves and that you can barter with. Because if the zombies collapse the government then your dollars aren't worth shit. (not that they are now)


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:29 am 
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Mad Monkey
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I am now actually scared...

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:29 am 
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Silverback
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I'm definitely flying to pennsylvania then when the zombies attack and go to live with drunk247

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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:33 am 
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Silverback
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Yeah if I buy you ammo can I borrow a gun Drunk? ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:41 am 
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Mad Monkey
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Shotguns are cheap. They are well suited for zombie detail.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:33 am 
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Drunk247 wrote:
Shotguns are cheap. They are well suited for zombie detail.


until the looting begins

get your shotguns early people! before its too late!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:56 pm 
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Alpha Monkey
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You dummies are already dead.

Guns make noise. Zombies are attracted to noise. Guns are only good for last ditch escapes, and for insurance against people. One gunshot will ruin your entire defense as you are calling a whole fucking hoard to your doorstep. Same goes for cars.

Ideally, you want some good shoes, a day hike backpack, an off-road bicycle, and a titanium Halligan bar or crowbar.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:57 pm 
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MeatBomb wrote:
You dummies are already dead.

Guns make noise. Zombies are attracted to noise. Guns are only good for last ditch escapes, and for insurance against people. One gunshot will ruin your entire defense as you are calling a whole fucking hoard to your doorstep. Same goes for cars.

Ideally, you want some good shoes, a day hike backpack, an off-road bicycle, and a titanium Halligan bar or crowbar.


whatever

last time I checked zombies can't fly

I'll be on my own zombie-free private island while you're huffing n puffing thru zombietown

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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:14 am 
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Mad Monkey
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After seeing the Honda Odyssey commercial with the A-Team van...


I am gonna convert my van to look like the A-Team van. Enuff said!


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:09 am 
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Mad Monkey
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I'm going with Dooo in his Prius cause electric cars don't make noise.

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 8:29 pm 
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So.... should I go into details about mine?
Crud- some of you have seen my facebook pics of my "anti-zombie tools".
I HAVE A COLLECTION. No shotguns either- my machete's don't need reloading.

When I go to Home Depot- it's all I can see. How good a tool is in killing a zombie. It's a little sad- that's true; but at least I'll never be called "dinner".


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 8:54 pm 
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Arnos wrote:
When I go to Home Depot- it's all I can see. How good a tool is in killing a zombie. It's a little sad- that's true; but at least I'll never be called "dinner".


This should be your tagline/sig. :D

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 11:04 pm 
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Alpha Monkey
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Arnos wrote:
So.... should I go into details about mine?
Crud- some of you have seen my facebook pics of my "anti-zombie tools".
I HAVE A COLLECTION. No shotguns either- my machete's don't need reloading.

When I go to Home Depot- it's all I can see. How good a tool is in killing a zombie. It's a little sad- that's true; but at least I'll never be called "dinner".


Hey, someone who might not be a total liability when the time comes.

Machete is nice, but does not have quite the utility of pry bar. Sure, it's impressiveness might keep other survivors in line better, but locked doors ain't gonna open to a knife. In a tropical area, much handier.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 7:15 pm 
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MeatBomb wrote:

Machete is nice, but does not have quite the utility of pry bar.


Oooooohhhh- you must friend me on Facebook so that you can peruse my Anti-Zombie tool photo album.
Behold- my weapons of choice:
Image

The wrecking bar is called the Annihilator. By a company called..... DEAD ON TOOLS. I bought it especially as a treat for myself- no other reason (besides killing zombies)

Here's my garage with my wife's machete and her set of sai (also pictured are zombie beheaders aka shovels)
Image

Not pictured: my Sledge Hammer (named Grace), and 5 foot long Floor Tile Chipper (named Frank)

Soon I'll finish my collection with this:
Image
I've been waiting for a version that was longer than 15"- now it comes in 30" flavors
(Almost as good as my Wallacher Combat ax)


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 11:34 am 
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Is your Floor Tile Chipper named after the "Frank" of Floor 5A?


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 5:34 pm 
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azeledge wrote:
Is your Floor Tile Chipper named after the "Frank" of Floor 5A?


OMG! I should have thought of that!

No- most of mine are named so that I can use a catchy phrase when beheading Zombies.
Me to Zombie:
"Let me be Frank with you..."
"Time to show this zombie some Grace..."

I'm gonna have to come up with 2 more now that Meatbomb mentioned the titanium Halligan (thanks for the tip)


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:58 pm 
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http://failblog.org/2009/04/08/emergenc ... dness-win/


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:41 pm 
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I'd say that is "Absolutely Win"

Except you probably don't have time to put on the safety glasses. Those are probably unnecessary. Unless you're worried about zombie spatter hitting your eyes. That could be a problem I guess.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:50 pm 
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Silverback
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why put it behind glass?

now ya gotta waste time breaking the glass while the zombie is chewing on your head already

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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:48 pm 
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Skull1 wrote:
why put it behind glass?

now ya gotta waste time breaking the glass while the zombie is chewing on your head already


Clearly you don't have kids. You need it behind glass to avoid pre-zombie apocalypse accidents.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:00 pm 
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Mad Monkey
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Zannon wrote:
Skull1 wrote:
why put it behind glass?

now ya gotta waste time breaking the glass while the zombie is chewing on your head already


Clearly you don't have kids. You need it behind glass to avoid pre-zombie apocalypse accidents.


My kids would still break it. They cracked the screen on my 42" plasma the other day. FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:29 pm 
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Jabe [Bot] wrote:
My kids would still break it. They cracked the screen on my 42" plasma the other day. FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!


This, I imagine, is one of those "valid reasons" as to why parents beat their kids in the 50's.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:20 pm 
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Mad Monkey
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If my kid needs an ass whoopin he gets an ass whoopin.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:23 pm 
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Mad Monkey
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Drunk247 wrote:
If my kid needs an ass whoopin he gets an ass whoopin.


Agreed.

Jabe


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:12 pm 
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Silverback
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Hey, I'm not here to judge.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:29 pm 
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So... guns got me thinking of Zombies (again) and I found this:

Image

It's even made by a company called..... Zak Tools.
It's a "Tactical Entry Tool" Comes in 24"-42" flavors.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombie Contingency Plans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:34 pm 
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Mad Monkey
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It's a Zak'tleth !

Ka'plah!

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